Basil for My Self-Esteem- Freewriting

For the majority of my life I have believed myself to be good at most activities I put my hand to. Especially in my younger years I was right most of the time. It was nice to be blessed with parents who generally agreed with that sentiment and encouraged me to do and be anything I wanted. I remember times that I felt invincible when it came to my talents in certain areas especially. 
As the years have passed and life has "happened", this general feeling-of-accomplishment-at-no-specific-task has faded. No longer do I feel all I have to do is think about something and it is done, I am finding things take substantially more effort than I am prepared to give at any given moment. It remains to be seen whether this change is in me or simply the nature of aging. 

This is why I grow basil. 

I have spent many hours in the last few years contemplating gardening and reading about the best ways to go about it. I have purchased seeds and plants, pots and soil, all in hopes of achieving the elusive "self-sufficiency" that so many speak of today. I genuinely like the idea; it stirs a response in my soul. So much so that I have planted and tended and killed many unsuspecting vegetables in recent history. It has been said, and rightfully so, that my house is where plants go to die. I do not allow them the dignity of a swift death though. I like to drag it out, until they have nothing left to give and then finish them off with a final, last ditch effort of over-watering in hope of salvaging my reputation as a pioneer woman. There are huge numbers of tomatoes, peppers and strawberries, countless types of herbs who have passed through this life on a porch of mine. Many, many plants who have spent their dying days drooping from a pot on a southern-facing slab of concrete, forgotten in favor of another summer activity that is far more glamorous.

All except basil.

You see, basil and I have a love affair. It goes beyond the pesto sauce Rachael Ray taught me how to make. Far past the rotisserie chicken that is never the same when my dear friend has been left out of the mix. We have a relationship; basil comes through for me. When all other plants are dead and gone, when I've pushed it as far as it can go. Flaccid and dehydrated it looks at me unashamed and dares me to water one last time. And when I meet this smallest of needs, a single last hurrah to my gardening ancestors, basil proves once again why we are so close. 

Given just a few minutes with this bit hydration and the sun it begins to perk up. First the brightness starts to return to the leaves. Then they begin to regain their rigidity and bounciness. Within a couple of hours this angel-plant has begun a new life and in the process restored my self-esteem. I am the master gardener I fancy myself to be. I can do miracles, bring life where there was death. Basil has shown me a return to my formative days. Days in which everything I put my hand to turned to gold.

Now everything I put my hand to seems to turn to basil. Thank you my friend.

4.4 Know Your Audience

It is interesting to me how a group of people comes together. Not the actual act of registering for classes or choosing a schedule, but the joining of minds I guess. Everyone from a different family and back ground. Each established in their own traditions or trying desperately to shake the traditions of their past and forge a new path. So many differences, yet even more similarities.

I found this assignment intriguing, asking random questions and getting everyone's responses. I appreciated how many people participated in each discussion as it can only be helpful to know to whom we are writing. 

I think my favorite question was the one about going to prison tomorrow, it did make me stop and think about what I would do. I found it interesting that we have a couple bank robbers in the class! But, that they would spend most of their remaining time with their family, just a little bit was reserved for the robbery...

Family seemed to be a running theme throughout all of the response posts. It's neat to see how each person feels about those which they choose to surround themselves. As I've become a wife and mother, I have grown more interested in family dynamics. We were almost unanimous in two areas, first, what we prioritize and are thankful for(mainly children, spouses and significant others). I thought it was odd though that the second area was how much we take those things for granted. Maybe we should all take a little time and say the things we posted to the people about which they were posted...

Another take away is that it seems we are all a bunch of heavy's. There were a couple jokers in the lot, some questions that were decidedly lighthearted until the rest of us poured out our souls on this airy little poof-of-question and popped them! The straight-forwardness was alarming at times. I wonder if our responses have anything to do with the current economy? Or the president, maybe it's the president's fault? Does it have anything to do with the recent humidity and record temperatures? Maybe we're all feeling under the weather and cannot joke during such serious circumstances as our English 101 assignment. 

At any rate, this was eye-opening and hopefully will serve to improve our skills as writers now that we have a better idea of who's out there reading what we put into space. I hope we can all appreciate one another as burgeoning writers and use what we're doing here to sharpen our newly acquired skills.    

Freewriting- I Believe I Want My Marriage To Work

wow, here we go. I believe I want my marriage to work. Those words have a lot of meaning. I kind if wonder if I MEAN them. I don't know where I was goig with that. I love my husband or I think I do. When we fight sometimes I think "man I'm glad I don't have to try anymore". I don't want to think that, but I do. No sense in denying the truth. Is there ultimate truth? I think so but that's kinda deep to contemplate right now.HHHHH well,I'm lost again. Let' see here IIIII know I ove my kids and they deserve a family that is together.We really don't fight though, my husband and I we just give looks and say things under our breath most of the time. I bet the kids can feel the stress even if they can't hear the words. I don't want to let them down. God gave them to us for a reason and I cant figure out what that was. If everything was going to fall apart(and I believe He knew it was going to) why did he ave to give us 4 kids? Wouldn't it have been better to put them in a family that is intact and will stay that way? What does it teach them if we split up? Give up? Why can't we be better? Why can't he change? Why can't I see my flaws so easily? Is it really me and I'm just blaming him? Or do I take on the responsibility that should be his? I don't know. Most of the time I'm confused about why we can't live together but then he moves back in and I'm miserable before long and I remember why I made him leave. I can't even remember now. It's been so long dealing with this and I'm supposed to stick to my guns. Tat's what everyone else says. But isn't that sticking to their guns? Why can;t I make my decisions? Why does it matter what anyone else thinks? Why do I try to impress them? They don't live y life. YEs, they love me and support me where they can but they don't take over where I end. And I'm coming up short more and more often.I

Word Count: 380

This I Believe List- Freewriting

I believe in God
I believe in basketball
I beleive I love my kids
I beleive in the sanctity of marriage
I believe I want my marriage to work
I beleive i love my parents
I beleive they loveme
I believe I love my husband most of the time
i be=leive he thinks he loves me
I beeive 7 is not a lucky number
I beleive you shoudn't let people down
I beleive I can clean my house eventually
I believe it's nicest outside when it rains
I beleive iam not a great gardener
I beleive I am not a great speller
I believe I want to be both of these
I beleive in myself as a person
I beleive that music is healing
I beleive that summer is nice and fall is better
I beleive that I need to clean my bathroom
I beleive that this is getting hadrder as I go on
 I beleive that the nature trail by my house is nice
I beleive I would like a new van
I beleive I would love to buy the things I want and need
I beleive I will be a good nurse
I beleive I will be a great midwife
I beleive women shoudl have achoice on what their labor and delivery should look like
I beleive things are getting harder to think of
I beleive it is very difficult to spel beleiev correctly over and over and over
I beleive I m nervous about my schedule this weekend
I beleive Ilove my old dog, Amber
 I beleive I don't like mens basketball
I Belleive that Glendale is not a very good school]
I beleive that my thoughts are getting moore random as I go
I beleive breastfeeding is best for your baby
I beleive I am VERY distracted by spelling beleive over and over the wrong way
I beleive the moor I think about it the worse it gets
I beleive bedtime should be earlier for my kids
I beleive I need a break
I believe this word is driving me crazy
I beleive snoring is annoying
 I beleive a

Truths About Me

I guess it's good that I'm going into the nursing field because according to the Jung Typology Test(2013) and ISFJ Profile(2012), that is one of the best fields for my personality! I was really excited about this assignment because I have always wanted to take a personality test. In fact, I worked at a counseling center for a year and planned to do all of the psychological tests they had available but I never got a chance, I was too busy working. Oddly enough, had I done those tests, they would have told me that I'd never find time while at my place of employment because my personality wouldn't have allowed it! 

I am an ISFJ. This stands for Introvert-Sensing-Feeling-Judging. To tell you the truth, I was alarmed at how accurate the description of me was, based on so few questions. There are traits that I possess that I think will help me in this course. The primary example is taking ownership. It is true, I often have the mentality "If you want it done right, do it yourself". I don't do this consciously, I just worry a lot and it relieves my fretting if I just take over a project. That way I know it's done right and on time. Plus, if there is a problem with it, my overactive sense of responsibility will automatically pick up the blame so it might as well actually be my fault to begin with... 

The other result I really enjoyed reading was "ISFJs are methodical and accurate workers, often with very good memories and unexpected analytic abilities". It's nice to see that about myself in writing. I would guess that's due to another trait of mine where I don't seek to get credit for things because I believe I shouldn't want it. But I do. I enjoy being recognized. No, maybe not recognized, I enjoy being appreciated. A quiet pat on the back never hurt anyone. 

Overall, this was a great assignment. I truly enjoyed the writing portion of it because I really liked the subject matter. Maybe I should try to write about more things that affect me this way. Maybe, just maybe that would make me a better writer.

 
                                                                    References

Heiss, Marina Margaret and Joe(2012) ISFJ Profile.Web. Retrieved June 7, 2013.
http://typelogic.com/isfj.html

HumanMetrics(2013). Jung Typology Test. Web. Retrieved June 7, 2013.
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp